| HUMOROUS QUOTES |
| 10600010 | Quote: | “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” | Author: | Ace Ventura |
| 10600020 | Quote: | “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” | Author: | Anonymous |
| 10600030 | Quote: | “There is one word that describes people that don't like me: Irrelevant.” | Author: | Anonymous |
| 10600040 | Quote: | “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.” | Author: | Anonymous |
| 10600050 | Quote: | The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.” | Author: | Anonymous |
| 10600060 | Quote: | What we love we shall grow to resemble. | Author: | Bernard of Clairvaux |
| 10600070 | Quote: | “I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” | Author: | Bob Hope |
| 10600080 | Quote: | Music can change the world because it can change people. | Author: | Bono |
| 10600090 | Quote: | Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. | Author: | Buddha |
| 10600100 | Quote: | “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” | Author: | Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City |
| 10600110 | Quote: | “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? | Author: | Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends |
| 10600120 | Quote: | Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. | Author: | Confucius |
| 10600130 | Quote: | Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. | Author: | Confucius |
| 10600140 | Quote: | The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home. | Author: | Confucius |
| 10600150 | Quote: | Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them. | Author: | Dalai Lama |
| 10600160 | Quote: | “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” | Author: | Damien Fahey |
| 10600170 | Quote: | “Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” | Author: | Dorothy Parker |
| 10600180 | Quote: | “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” | Author: | Ellen DeGeneres |
| 10600190 | Quote: | Life is too short for long-term grudges. | Author: | Elon Musk |
| 10600200 | Quote: | I'd rather be optimistic and wrong than pessimistic and right. | Author: | Elon Musk |
| 10600210 | Quote: | It's OK to have your eggs in one basket as long as you control what happens to that basket. | Author: | Elon Musk |
| 10600220 | Quote: | The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. | Author: | George Bernard Shaw |
| 10600230 | Quote: | Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. | Author: | George Bernard Shaw |
| 10600240 | Quote: | There is no sincerer love than the love of food. | Author: | George Bernard Shaw |
| 10600250 | Quote: | Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn. | Author: | George Bernard Shaw |
| 10600260 | Quote: | “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” | Author: | George Burns |
| 10600270 | Quote: | “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” | Author: | George Carlin |
| 10600280 | Quote: | “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” | Author: | Graham Norton |
| 10600290 | Quote: | “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” | Author: | Groucho Marx |
| 10600300 | Quote: | “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” | Author: | Halley Reed (Mia Farrow), Crimes and Misdemeanors |
| 10600310 | Quote: | “Trying is the first step toward failure.” | Author: | Homer Simpson, The Simpsons |
| 10600320 | Quote: | “I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” | Author: | ita udner |
| 10600330 | Quote: | “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” | Author: | Jack Handey |
| 10600340 | Quote: | “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” | Author: | Joan Rivers |
| 10600350 | Quote: | “Why can't you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” | Author: | Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids |
| 10600360 | Quote: | “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” | Author: | Mark Twain |
| 10600370 | Quote: | “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” | Author: | Mark Twain |
| 10600380 | Quote: | Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. | Author: | Mark Twain |
| 10600390 | Quote: | Golf is a good walk spoiled. | Author: | Mark Twain |
| 10600400 | Quote: | “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” | Author: | Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace |
| 10600410 | Quote: | My wallet was pick-pocketed. I never cancelled the cards as they're spending less than me! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600420 | Quote: | A dog is man’s best friend because they do not tell where they went on their walks! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600430 | Quote: | Dog’s lick their noses to keep walking into the wind… it’s why my Dad takes mine for a walk after lunch! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600440 | Quote: | Fools always get the answers right when there are no questions! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600450 | Quote: | If you can’t beat a habit… it's because Nun's don't take them off in public! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600460 | Quote: | If you think that you know everything… rethink it! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600470 | Quote: | Knowledgeable men do not need four letter words! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600480 | Quote: | My Grandad is wise… he gets the answers right even when there's no questions! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600490 | Quote: | The key to eternal youth is dishonesty! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600500 | Quote: | When you’re old enough to know it all … you won’t remember anything! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600510 | Quote: | Why use 17% of your intelect when the remaining 17% will do! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600520 | Quote: | Unconditional LOVE … Mine's a fight to the finish! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600530 | Quote: | Love is like doing nothing… there's no end to it! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600540 | Quote: | Love at first sight takes perseverance! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600550 | Quote: | Love Like Joy is a constant state of mind. | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600560 | Quote: | You need not get married to give away a home! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600570 | Quote: | The short-cut to philanthropy is marriage. | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600580 | Quote: | Marriage is no funeral…I'm on my second! | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600590 | Quote: | MARRIAGE … If you’re in it for the long haul cashing out is not the finishing line. | Author: | MUGSand |
| 10600600 | Quote: | “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” | Author: | Noel Coward |
| 10600610 | Quote: | “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” | Author: | Oscar Wilde |
| 10600620 | Quote: | Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore,' shoot six, and write down five. | Author: | Paul Harvey |
| 10600630 | Quote: | “I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.” | Author: | Phyllis Diller |
| 10600640 | Quote: | When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. | Author: | Prince Phillip |
| 10600650 | Quote: | “I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.” | Author: | Rodney Dangerfield |
| 10600660 | Quote: | “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” | Author: | Sir Norman Wisdom |
| 10600670 | Quote: | " The secret to life. Don't be a dick" | Author: | Steven Griffin |
| 10600680 | Quote: | Living out of a Mug | Author: | Unknown |
| 10600690 | Quote: | One day I am going to make them cry. Damn Onions! | Author: | Unknown |
| 10600700 | Quote: | There comes a time in a marriage when a man wishes his wife had Mona Lisa’s smile… because she’d be hanging behind bulletproof glass in the Louvre Museum in Paris. | Author: | Unknown |
| 10600710 | Quote: | Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.” | Author: | Waitress, the Musical |
| 10600720 | Quote: | “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” | Author: | Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda |
| 10600730 | Quote: | Becky: “Which one is 'mute'?” | Author: | Unknown |
| 10600740 | Quote: | “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat. So people who don’t know what they’re doing, or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.” | Author: | Unknown |
| 10600750 | Quote: | There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age. | Author: | Unknown |
| 10600760 | Quote: | INSPIRATION: Turns on ability… Kiss Me… It works! | Author: | MUGSand |
